Did it happen to you that you really wanted something so bad that you would take every available chances and do every possibilities to give birth to the realization of that dream? It so happened that being a UPian was one of my dreams.
I applied for the campuses in Diliman and Manila whereas they required a high UPG; furthermore, I haven’t passed the University of the Philippines College Application Test (UPCAT). I really should have known better that the competition is pretty tough for those two campuses and that I have but slim chances to qualify in quota courses (as I was told) and that I wasn’t apt for those courses.
On the other hand, my grade was good enough to prospect UPLB. So I waitlisted my name for the courses that I really don’t like just for the sake of becoming a UPian. Unfortunately, I wasn’t accepted. I was told to enroll in a different school and try again for the next year under the conditions that I: 1) completed 33 units; 2) maintained a GWA of 2 or better; and, 3) have taken the UPCAT.
So, for my first year, I studied BA-Comm. in a state college. My first semester there was nothing but mediocrity and trite tediousness. I really felt uninspired and thought I was good enough to be there. The word ‘best’ can’t be seen across my face or, more realistically, beside my name. Then after I received couple of low grades, a very poor attendance, and an “offense warning” from the Guidance Counselor that’s when I finally came to my senses; that I must be not like this if I want to be in UPLB. So it was during the second semester that I finally gave justice to my being the School and Arts and Sciences’ topnotcher applicant. The second semester ended nicely and everything went into places. The first and third conditions that UPLB requires weren’t such problems, and the second was not easy but was worked out nonetheless.
Then during the summer, I prepared my Clearance for Honorable Dismissal and True Copy of Grades. All that’s missing was my parents’ blessing. My father approved; however, my mother stunned me when she said, “NO”. I argued, I reasoned out, ’til I gave up. I was cheated, taken away from something I truly deserved. And to sum the pains up, the harsh truth why she didn’t allow me to tranfer to UP is… there was actually no reasons at all. She didn’t make any excuses, not that I knew of. Just plain ‘NO’.
I was supposed to be there right now, in U.P. Los Baños.
Often times, I can’t help but to feel that kind of feeling that someone feels when he surrender his cellphone to a robber. Out of fear and flight for safety. In my case, it’s much worse for I was robbed out of an intrinsic factor that could affect the outcome of the rest of my life; I only watched it shatter before me. It’s out of assurance and flight for retreat. I felt betrayed, deserted, off-bested. My antagonistic mother was the one to be blamed.
And it wasn’t easy to get over either, for, after all, it was a dream. Merely waking up wasn’t a great remedy for whenever I sleep, that can dream possibly, inevitably creeps into me any time.
Not being in UPLB automatically put me to the cusp where an invisible line of the laurel of success and who-knows-what-kind-of-future-I-shall-assume-now. Unfortunately, I’m dragged on the latter; moreover, I’m falling in the abyss of directionless panorama as driven by bittersweet self-pity. What could have been?
But this is not a matter of life and death. This is one of life’s funny mockery. In a pollyannic approach, often than not, I will simply make the best of what I got and not take them for granted. The previous show was over and it’s awfully unsuccessful. I will rehearse for the next one.
The ‘what could have been’ will apply at any time in any event and I’ve done everything in my power to conquer it. Sadly, life’s a bit greedy. I guess the question that needs answering is, ‘What will I become?’. Dreamers waste a part of their lives for not all dreams are meant to come true. But if all the wasting was worth it then I won’t argue. Visionaries, on the other hand, seek things that are possible that can upgrade their recent state. Sadly, they never dared to look outside their lives and be someone or something they never imagined. Actually, I am both.
Did it happened to you that life somehow gave you a blessing in disguise? After all, I have topped the SA S on the entrance exam and since I have to stay some three more years longer, I would have to prove myself more and maybe… just maybe one day I’ll excel once again in my field and maybe even surprisingly much better than my supposedly UP colleagues.