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The Night My Dreams (or rather Nightmares) Made Me See what My Eyes Failed to See When I’m Awake

I had a very good sleep four nights ago. The following morning I awoke engraved with a big smile. Then later that evening, I went into a deep sleep. The next thing I know, I woke up crying.

Dreams are said to be our escape to a world designed by our imagination and built upon the foundation of our deepest passion, secret desires, our most ridiculous aspirations and weirdest thoughts. Dreams extend our imagined existence beyond the impossible and grants us the experience of what we wish to happen in real life. So in a way, dreams are hope providers.

On the morning when I awoke smiling, I have been dreaming about myself standing on the pinnacle of triumph. The limelight of fame, the uproar of honors and bounty of achievements, the spark of wealth and material things that I could ever ask for, all those things I have. It was a great dream. But the next night, that dream morphed into something entirely different in which the triumphant me is alone and cold, craving for the love I lost and the love I left behind in order to advance my successes. Wandering aimlessly, there was nothing around me but the barren land I once called “home”. No friends, no family. I became a prisoner of my own ambitions. And then I woke up with a heavy heart.

I reflected upon this experience and I realized that I have been focusing more on the things I want to achieve not knowing that I risk losing something else. Like family, friends, and love. I have friends, but I am an idle instrument on my end of the amity. I also have my family with me, who have been so good to me, but I have been taking them for granted. I viewed love as something I did not have to gain as it is readily available to me. These things I easily dismiss when they don’t suit me. Suffice to say, I cared less than I should.

I am ambitious. I envisioned big things for myself and I can’t wait to make them real. I am also a fair player. I rely on my talent, I don’t step on someone whom I think is below me, nor I betray relationships for favors. I also know when to cut the connective strings I have with anyone who distracts me from my ambitions. That’s a good thing. But I also grow indifferent towards anyone whenever I feel the need to better myself. These are the same people who believe in my dreams, build roads so I may travel easily and are simply there when the odds get the better of me. Sadly, I blur the line between the people who make me glow and the people who want me in the dark. But I know better now.

It was a wake-up call I wish have happened earlier. A dream gave me the opportunity to reevaluate what I have so I wouldn’t lose them. There will be sacrifices when striving for something, but it doesn’t always have to have a consequence. If I know the weigh of things, I’ll know when to let go; otherwise, I’ll have both my hands losing grips on what they’re holding, just so I can reach a single pursuit.

It’s funny that I can see with naked eyes the goal in front of me and then see the other side of the spectrum with closed eyes. It’s funny that in one night a dream granted me my wishes and the next night reflected the consequences. These are indications that things may differ even when you’re quietly the same, and if you change, things won’t. It’s a funny ordeal of living: like the state of sleepiness, you either earn it or force it; like waking up is either a reward or just a wishful thinking; like the moment of dreaming is either a treat or a threat; two polarizing things can happen, just not at the same time. So maybe we can have it all, but not at the same time. The best thing to do is to focus on what I have right now. Be happy but never settle. The bottom line is to give each minute thing its worth. The weigh of things always depends on a balance, but the balance of life isn’t measured by things.

AUTHOR’S NOTE (Dec. 23, 2011):
This blog post was originally written in 2005. After reading it again six years later, I felt that I haven’t given this post enough logic to cancel out the excessive drama: Like a plant full of flowers but has no roots. I modified some sentences that are superfluous, changed some that are confusing, added some for emphasis, and omitted some that are irrelevant. I used my memories to make this post truly reflect what I felt back then. And I hope that they give you a funny feeling after reading this.

3 comments on “The Night My Dreams (or rather Nightmares) Made Me See what My Eyes Failed to See When I’m Awake

  1. man… i thought you were just joking about that whole afraid of sleeping thing! so this was “the dream” huh? well, though it was a nightmare, i’m glad you look at it as a wake up call to appreciate the better things in life. just want to tell you that you still have me as a friend!!!

  2. i c.. so eto pla.. oh well, tma nga tlga.. d most precious & priceless things in lyf r unseen..:) good thng u fgured that out ds early.. b thankful cz ung iba jn, dey hve lived a whole lyftym not knowing this simple fct.. kya nman, ol their lives, they dint becum happy..=] oh ayan ha? lesson yan syo.. loka ka kse.. hehe:) byees! mwah!=) ah.. teka.. kya ka cguro ngtesti sken noh! haha! butinga, natauhan ka na.. kidding;) teecee!

  3. You’re really right about it. SAying “They said that dreams show your deepest passion, darkest desires, even the most ridiculous aspirations and weirdest thoughts. Dreams are our escape to a world of fantasy & imagination. Dreams usually show the impossible things that we wish could happen to us, somehow, though, they give hope…” is really true. I’ve experience the things you’ve mentioned, and no doubt these explain one thing. We have to do things differently than we usually do in our social norms. Like remembering people.

    So the big idea? wala lang…I’ve just tried to check your page and I remembered you told me na magpost ng comment..so i did.🙂

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